Fear and Perfection

Since while I did not experienced the fear of "what others think about me". Somehow, being in the safe enviroment of my love nest with my students, yogis and friends in Mumbai was good enough for me and I had this easy feeling of balance and awareness of who I am.
But one week after we left and we are back in Europe, I had the offer to do photo shooting for the golf and yoga writing...that I m writing myself! Great, it looks like for sure. But somehow, deep inside, this little voice started: But what if you will not do it well? You did not practice enough. You are way too fat to do photos for public. Aren t you little too old ?  

So I was just thinking about everything I KNOW. Do your best, be detached of the fruits of your effort. By the way, do it effortlessly. Then you are who you are. You don t have to be perfect. It does not affect your self-worth. You are just sharing what you have to share.

There is all different story of what I FEEL...and after long time I had difficulties to get back on the center. It was like coming back to the house of my father, after years, being here with my kids, waiting to have my new home that for the while is still empty...and facing the eternel leitmotive of my childhood, then of my life: You are not good enough.

After while and few reflexions later I went to the point of Acceptence. I remembered one of the workshops with Prasad, my teacher, and I welcomed the Acceptence as the great opportunity to transforme...Accept and Transforme was the teaching, I had opportunity to practice it off the mat.
I did, and with the feeling of being who I am with my imperfections and with my fear included I spent 3 hours shooting, working, taking the time, repeat the pose, change the light, do it again and again...experienceing patience and humility on my very own.

I can understand we are paralysed by our fears. However we can also turn them as the changing point. To be aware of them and welcome them, use them to work on something positive in our lives. I am gratefull for my first big lesson of yoga  back in Europe, where the West finaly met the East!

Silence

Back in Europe, back in the family, back on the golf course. I could say also back to my self - practice of yoga, but this part is quite regular this last year.

In Mumbai, we all suffered the most from lack of silence. The city is just boiling melting pot and the most quiet moment I ever lived there was my walk at 4.45 am in Bandra.

Comming back "home" or what looks the most right now like it I went with my mom for 3 days to clean my contry house and get it reqady for the long summer we will spend in Czech republic. As it is 4km from the golf course, I met there every morning also with my son and my brother.
My mom started to talk more less at the moment we sit in the car. I guess if she never stoppped, because I have the feeling she talk also from her sleep. I was listening to her with compassion for several hours, but in one stage i used my "yogi skills" and i just kind of closed my senses to make sure I can cope with . I was doing my karma yoga cleaning the floors and washing the dishes and windows after winter and at those moments I escaped to the bubbling of my mom,  I have to admit.

On the golf course, the first day, the mood of my son and all his attitude worth independent article, but let s say he was extremely unhapppy with his game and he made us all know very clearly. One more time I used my awareness to see what is happening and adopte the attitude of observer. Not only it gave me possibility not to blow up on my son, but also to keep my own game smooth and quiet.
It was a crucial moment where family, golf and yoga met!!!

Then I came to the house of my father, droping my mom home and skipping the golf today, and I realized that my father was also talking to me! I sit, fixed my eyes on him, tryed to listen with all attention..and i gave up. I had very heavy attack of migraine and spent all afternoon trying to get rid of it, then just laying on the sofa observing the pain and relaxing...or make the attempt to do so.


We talk to exchange the information, emotions, share our life for sure. But we should be aware about our need  to talk,  which void we are filling with our blabla. Why we are creating so much of distraction, what is scaring us to stay silent with ourselves? We may also think about Asteya, the princip of No-stealing. While doing our blabla, are we really sharing or are we stealing the time of our listener? His energy?

I am grateful for my experience and reflexions it brings to me. Parents and children are our best teachers. Always <3
And I see also how the yoga from mat to the life is important part of my life now...

June challenge

New challenge, one month without sugar, white flour, and with 30 minutes of practice whatever happen. Looks easy, but the week we are moving from India to ireland via Prague, Liberec, San Antonie de Callonge and Barcelona it can be very tricky.
So today...it was just fine, if we can agree that 2 rings of friend calamaris and some red Chille wine is sugar and flour free...is it???

Tommorow will be another day...and now "sup sup", some reading for selfstudy!