Fear and Perfection

Since while I did not experienced the fear of "what others think about me". Somehow, being in the safe enviroment of my love nest with my students, yogis and friends in Mumbai was good enough for me and I had this easy feeling of balance and awareness of who I am.
But one week after we left and we are back in Europe, I had the offer to do photo shooting for the golf and yoga writing...that I m writing myself! Great, it looks like for sure. But somehow, deep inside, this little voice started: But what if you will not do it well? You did not practice enough. You are way too fat to do photos for public. Aren t you little too old ?  

So I was just thinking about everything I KNOW. Do your best, be detached of the fruits of your effort. By the way, do it effortlessly. Then you are who you are. You don t have to be perfect. It does not affect your self-worth. You are just sharing what you have to share.

There is all different story of what I FEEL...and after long time I had difficulties to get back on the center. It was like coming back to the house of my father, after years, being here with my kids, waiting to have my new home that for the while is still empty...and facing the eternel leitmotive of my childhood, then of my life: You are not good enough.

After while and few reflexions later I went to the point of Acceptence. I remembered one of the workshops with Prasad, my teacher, and I welcomed the Acceptence as the great opportunity to transforme...Accept and Transforme was the teaching, I had opportunity to practice it off the mat.
I did, and with the feeling of being who I am with my imperfections and with my fear included I spent 3 hours shooting, working, taking the time, repeat the pose, change the light, do it again and again...experienceing patience and humility on my very own.

I can understand we are paralysed by our fears. However we can also turn them as the changing point. To be aware of them and welcome them, use them to work on something positive in our lives. I am gratefull for my first big lesson of yoga  back in Europe, where the West finaly met the East!