Self Love - Day 2

I knew it will be hard day, as I will spend most of my time in the transport. From Dublin to Liberec via Prague, it is the day when you wake up in 6 a.m. and at 5 p.m. you can say : DONE.
I travel a lot, and this is what make it actual more difficult. My memory is playing tricks and  instead to enjoy the travel, I see in each situation some potential troubles (like last year in Mumbai aeroport, or do you remember when we went to Barcelona...and so on).
This is one of disturbances of the mind, the memory that don t let us see the situation as it is, but in the prisme of our own experiences. It makes me live thousands of catastrophic movies...that usualy don t happen.

So...I decided that in the spirit of Self Love and in order to treat me well today, I will concentrate on the only think:

POSITIVE THINKING. 
How does it work? You need awareness. You need to be able to observe your yourself, your thoughts, and catch them BEFORE they burst out as a negativity. And when you catch them, you cultivate the opposite. In stead of tell you: "Ah, again I get into the longest queue, why this happen only to me? I m sure the guy will find some problem with my passport or leave for lunch..." you talk to you in opposite way: "Everything is fine, the queue will go smoothly and we are on time."


I spent more less day today to practice. Between cars, aeroports,  plane, passport controls, waiting for luggage and another 2 hours of driving to the house of my father, there were a lot of space for observing. And I realized that I m quiet negative, critical and dark in my mind...so today treat of self love was IMPORTANT. I changed the whole perception of the day, from grey and rainy with darkness to gray and rainy with smile and love at the end of the day...Try:) 
You worth it!

Self Love Day 1

Yesterday speaking with my "Sister" from India, we decided to work together on our Self Love. Of course that since one and half year I discuss the topic with my yoga teacher and I work on it, but with my friends, with my students and recently with my family I see that it is one quality that is tremendously missing .

It seems from outside that the women suffer more then men, but I dare to say the difference is just that the women show it more and talk eventually about, while men are closed to the subject. It does not mean they don t suffer or they suffer less, at the contrary!

So here we go, for 28 days (I love the number) we will share the ideas and tips for spend the day with our Self and pamper us OUT and IN.

DAY 1:

SPEND TIME
 with your mother. This is where we started our this time journey. This is our point of departure.
You don t have to be physically with her, but it can help:)  Sit quietly, with your spine straight, close your eyes and breath deeply. After while, imagine your mom as a little girl, lost, crying, alone. What would you do? Take her in your arms and hug her for while, to calm her cry and make her safe and loved. Then do exactly same thing with you. See yourself as a little girl, lost and crying. Hug yourself, and give you all Love and Reassurance you can.

FORGIVE.
To yourself, to your mom . The forgiveness is creating space that we can fill with Love. Keeping our grudge is suffocating and the first person to suffer is US. In case you don t feel the need for forgiveness, because your relationship with your mom is outstanding, just skip the FORGIVENESS part and go directly to the next step.:)

SEND LOVE.
 As we created the space for it, more or less, we concentrate on the area of our body where the heart is. (Heart chakra). Feel the warm sensation over there, imagine the door of your heart opening and the love is just pouring out of there to all your body, out of your body, and towards to your mom (and whoever else, but don t forget it is the moment for you and your mother).

LET GO
Now, just let go. See your mom leaving you, with smile, smile to her, wave to her, let her go with Love. You can spend more time with her again and again, how you did today. I always see her like going on the boat, it is beautiful weather, we smile and we let us go mutually. It let the space, and it keeps Love.


It looks like piece of cake, it is not always true. I m spending my second week with my mom, and it is big deal for us, as we did not talk for 9 years in the past and our relationship start to get "warmer" only thanks to yoga and the teaching of my teacher 2 years ago.

Observing my mom in difficult environment, out of her comfort zone, coming with me to Dublin, our new city, and trying so much to help me, that it becomes irritating by moment, I understood that she is just lacking Self Love and Self esteem. Her Fear and Guilt being bad mother are just mine Fear and Guilt  of being bad mother and my daughter is the mirror to my fear as much as I m mirror probably to my mom...there is pattern, and somebody has to break it down in order to HEAL US. If I can forgive my mom, I can forgive to myself, and if I can forgive myself, I can start to love myself! Wow:)

So, what is your pattern? What is your Fear and Guilt? Is your mom involved somehow?

I wish you wonderful Day 1...and a load of Love!

Home sweet home

Our first week in Dublin, it is done. The arrival was shocking. After beautiful hot Barcelona and yoga conference, we landed in the 14 degrees, under cold rain. My deep memory of that moment is:
me, staying in the middle of parking of rent a car, under rain, with 4 luggages, in ballerinas and shivering of cold. Hm. New home...

I survived to my first drive on the left side. I m still moving a lot my right hand and in the moment of stress I m trying to touch something with my right, but in the deep mindfulness I m ok, my brain-body connection can handle the deep core changments:)

The delivery of boxes was another shock, 315 boxes...seriously? What we do with all this????  But Sunday we were able to have our first nice family and friend lunch home. It seemed "normal life" again, after nearly 2 months of leaving our Mumbai apartment.

Adjustment will take some time, but I have to say that Dublin is easy city and dubliners are incredible cool people. Nobody is honking, insulting, screaming on us or turning the back to our question. I would say...Dubliners are Spanish of the North! I love it here...and I feel the love just flows.
My dear Mumabikars...it feels just like when you have your second baby. You don t stop to love your first, neither you love him less. You just multiply your love so you have as much for both :)
Looooove
Mi

Fear and Perfection

Since while I did not experienced the fear of "what others think about me". Somehow, being in the safe enviroment of my love nest with my students, yogis and friends in Mumbai was good enough for me and I had this easy feeling of balance and awareness of who I am.
But one week after we left and we are back in Europe, I had the offer to do photo shooting for the golf and yoga writing...that I m writing myself! Great, it looks like for sure. But somehow, deep inside, this little voice started: But what if you will not do it well? You did not practice enough. You are way too fat to do photos for public. Aren t you little too old ?  

So I was just thinking about everything I KNOW. Do your best, be detached of the fruits of your effort. By the way, do it effortlessly. Then you are who you are. You don t have to be perfect. It does not affect your self-worth. You are just sharing what you have to share.

There is all different story of what I FEEL...and after long time I had difficulties to get back on the center. It was like coming back to the house of my father, after years, being here with my kids, waiting to have my new home that for the while is still empty...and facing the eternel leitmotive of my childhood, then of my life: You are not good enough.

After while and few reflexions later I went to the point of Acceptence. I remembered one of the workshops with Prasad, my teacher, and I welcomed the Acceptence as the great opportunity to transforme...Accept and Transforme was the teaching, I had opportunity to practice it off the mat.
I did, and with the feeling of being who I am with my imperfections and with my fear included I spent 3 hours shooting, working, taking the time, repeat the pose, change the light, do it again and again...experienceing patience and humility on my very own.

I can understand we are paralysed by our fears. However we can also turn them as the changing point. To be aware of them and welcome them, use them to work on something positive in our lives. I am gratefull for my first big lesson of yoga  back in Europe, where the West finaly met the East!

Silence

Back in Europe, back in the family, back on the golf course. I could say also back to my self - practice of yoga, but this part is quite regular this last year.

In Mumbai, we all suffered the most from lack of silence. The city is just boiling melting pot and the most quiet moment I ever lived there was my walk at 4.45 am in Bandra.

Comming back "home" or what looks the most right now like it I went with my mom for 3 days to clean my contry house and get it reqady for the long summer we will spend in Czech republic. As it is 4km from the golf course, I met there every morning also with my son and my brother.
My mom started to talk more less at the moment we sit in the car. I guess if she never stoppped, because I have the feeling she talk also from her sleep. I was listening to her with compassion for several hours, but in one stage i used my "yogi skills" and i just kind of closed my senses to make sure I can cope with . I was doing my karma yoga cleaning the floors and washing the dishes and windows after winter and at those moments I escaped to the bubbling of my mom,  I have to admit.

On the golf course, the first day, the mood of my son and all his attitude worth independent article, but let s say he was extremely unhapppy with his game and he made us all know very clearly. One more time I used my awareness to see what is happening and adopte the attitude of observer. Not only it gave me possibility not to blow up on my son, but also to keep my own game smooth and quiet.
It was a crucial moment where family, golf and yoga met!!!

Then I came to the house of my father, droping my mom home and skipping the golf today, and I realized that my father was also talking to me! I sit, fixed my eyes on him, tryed to listen with all attention..and i gave up. I had very heavy attack of migraine and spent all afternoon trying to get rid of it, then just laying on the sofa observing the pain and relaxing...or make the attempt to do so.


We talk to exchange the information, emotions, share our life for sure. But we should be aware about our need  to talk,  which void we are filling with our blabla. Why we are creating so much of distraction, what is scaring us to stay silent with ourselves? We may also think about Asteya, the princip of No-stealing. While doing our blabla, are we really sharing or are we stealing the time of our listener? His energy?

I am grateful for my experience and reflexions it brings to me. Parents and children are our best teachers. Always <3
And I see also how the yoga from mat to the life is important part of my life now...

June challenge

New challenge, one month without sugar, white flour, and with 30 minutes of practice whatever happen. Looks easy, but the week we are moving from India to ireland via Prague, Liberec, San Antonie de Callonge and Barcelona it can be very tricky.
So today...it was just fine, if we can agree that 2 rings of friend calamaris and some red Chille wine is sugar and flour free...is it???

Tommorow will be another day...and now "sup sup", some reading for selfstudy!

Last class

Yesterday evening I was supposed to teach my last yoga class for the evening group. It is amazing group that builded slowly with few friends coming to relax and strech after the work and long day, and finaly we created nice comunity of Tueasdays night...remembering the "pillow" class, the "champagne" class...
I left Waterstone for Narain, little one hour drive, and slowly sms started to come..."I cannot tonight"..."too tired"..."other comittment"...and so on.
 I decided so to sms everybody and find out who is coming!
 One couple was ready to go and keep it till the last breath! :):):)
Then Jerome, great friend and brave soldat called, and during the conversation we found out what was happening...
"Yes, so what is the signe, as you always see the signe somewhere?" asked Jerome.
"No last class sign? Probably it is good, it means there is NO last class of yoga!" I answered.
"Cool. Actualy we are supposed to continue, and we take our next class in Cairo, Egypt." suggested Jerome...


And you know what? It is definitely the signe! Next year in Cairo!
Thanks to all brave yogis and yoginis for wonderful year of Tuesday nights yoga!